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Only Read This Book If You Seriously Want Out Of An
Addictive Relationship, October 21, 2009
"Just because I hurt so much doesn't mean I love him. It
means I'm an addict in withdrawal." ~ pg. 190
The goal of "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person"
is to get you out of an addictive relationship. This book is
filled with revealing diary entries and stories of unhealthy
relationships. While many of the examples explore the joy, love
and ecstasy in staying with the person you "love,"
there is also a serious consideration of feeling panicky, needy,
clingy, possessive, filled with despair, loneliness, jealousy,
hatred and rage. The negative emotions you feel might outweigh
the positive feelings as you get deeper into an abusive
relationship.
Still, ending your contact with the person you "love"
may make you feel suicidal or at least extremely depressed.
However from personal experience I can tell you that the freedom
you feel once you get over the person is worth
"possibly" years of your time to get over them. In my
first addictive relationship I knew the person for six years and
it took six years to get over them. That may be an extreme
example but I did eventually get over them and moved on with my
life. I can say that it was the moment that I told my ex
boyfriend that I was getting married to someone else that
finally freed me. I had to force myself to get on with my life.
Yes this book will tell you how to effectively get over someone
but it can make you feel as if you are dying or at least feel
the "emptiness of a person eternally exiled." In the
end you can thank your parents for your suffering, at least that
is what Howard M. Halpern promotes throughout this book. You
will be reading about your attachment to your mother quite a bit
and how your desire to be loved by your father could be
affecting your current relationship.
Long after feeling limerence you may experience "attachment
hunger." To get over a person you have to understand that
you are trying to satisfy your inner child's need for affection
and love. It would almost seem less cruel to fall out of love
with someone first instead of literally ripping your heart away
from the person you desire. Being in love does last somewhere
between six months and three years so you could be spending a
lot of your time in ecstasy and hell. If you are a woman who
seems to always be attracted to emotionally unavailable men then
you may completely understand how you can be "hooked on the
challenge of melting stones."
I would say that this book will be most helpful for people who
are dating or who are in an unhealthy serious long-term
relationship. I was not as happy to read about marriages that
had to end. I feel there is room for marriage counseling or at
least a serious bout of reading marriage books. Perhaps reading
ten good marriage books before you divorce would be a good idea
since it is especially destructive if you already have children.
Just because you are going through a rough time (however if you
are being abused do seek help immediately) doesn't mean that
love cannot be rekindled. So that would be my only caution in
reading this otherwise helpful book.
Here are some books I can highly Recommend:
Cracking
the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's
Language
How
to Get Your Husband to Talk to You
The
Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your
Mate
Love
& Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He
Desperately Needs
For
Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
Men
Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to
Understanding the Opposite Sex
Who's
Pushing Your Buttons?
The
Love Dare
The
Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your
Relationship by Doing Less
7
Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today,
Tomorrow, Forever
The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your
Wife's Heart Forever
Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility
~The Rebecca Review
Addicted Like Me
Deadly Addiction and Recovery, October 20,
2009
"An addicted child is at risk for insanity, death, or
suicide." ~ pg. 254
While "Addicted Like Me" will be the most useful to those
who are caught up in a drug addiction, this is also a good book to
read if you have a teen who is using drugs.
This book is written by a mother-daughter team so it gives unique
perspectives. Karen (the mother) used drugs to numb emotional
problems that were the result of her father's alcoholic rages.
Unfortunately she married someone just like her father except he
also beat her.
Her daughter Lauren had a troubled childhood and while she made some
conscious decisions not to become like her father she ended up
becoming addicted to a number of drugs (marijuana, alcohol and
crystal meth). She in turn also got involved with abusive men, which
made her life spiral out of control. Both women seemed to use drugs
to escape from their abusive relationships. Once they were back in
control they started to make better decisions and ended up with men
who truly loved them.
Karen and Lauren eventually decided to no longer be a victim of
their negative family legacy. While other people in their family
died from drug related causes they decided to choose life. This book
is their story of how they went from a totally hopeless situation to
being totally sober.
What I liked about this book was the honesty of the authors. There
is also a section that tells parents how to deal with a
drug-addicted teen. Some of the information in this book could be
life saving. I encourage you to read this book if you have issues
with drugs or you know someone who does. Even if you have never
taken drugs this book could help you to be sympathetic to people who
are seriously addicted. There is only one person in my life who is
struggling with alcoholism and this book helped me to understand why
they may be addicted.
~The Rebecca Review
Changing For Good
Understanding the Stages of Change, October
15, 2009
"The vast majority of people who change never visit a mental
health professional or participate in an organized program."
~ pg. 16
Procrastinating, gambling, smoking, alcohol abuse, emotional
distress, obesity, addictive behaviors, high-risk behaviors,
interpersonal problems, depression, out-of-control spending,
violent behaviors, compulsions, anxiety and panic disorders are
addressed in this helpful book. While the case studies focus on
alcoholism, smoking and obesity there is much to learn about how
to successfully change a disturbing behavior. This book describes
the following stages most people go through to be successful at
eradicating problems in their lives:
Precontemplation - Denial
Contemplation
Preparation
Action
Maintenance
Relapsing
Termination - The end of the behavior
It is helpful to note that most people will fail the first time
they try to make it from maintenance to termination. Relapsing is
common and should almost be expected. "Changing For
Good" basically explains the stages of change and explores
what you can do to make it through each stage successfully. The
case studies presented explore the principles promoted. There is
advice on how to avoid temptation and information on how to renew
your commitment to change.
While change might not exactly be easy or fun this book presents a
winning formula for success. By understanding which stage you are
in you can then progress to the next stage. While I found this
book to be interesting I think the information is very general and
doesn't give enough information to conquer any one problem. Here
are some of the books I've reviewed that I think might be helpful
depending on the issue you are trying to resolve (also see my
psychology "tag list" for more books):
Children
of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over
Narcissistic Parents
Anger
Is a Choice
Coping
With Bipolar Disorder and Manic-depressive Illness
Change
Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for
Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and
Impulsiveness
How
to Spot Hidden Alcoholics: Using Behavioral Clues to Recognize
Addiction in Its Early Stages
The
Anxiety & Phobia Workbook (New Harbinger Workbooks)
Emotional
Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
~The Rebecca Review
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